The story of my conversion is no less than a miracle. Through my journey you can truly see the power of God's love and mercy. I say this because I was a person who was totally devoid of God. My life followed the rules of self realisation. There was no need for God.
I was brought up a Catholic and sent to a Catholic school. The teachings of the church seemed unjust: things like only Catholics can go to Heaven, it was a sin to go into a non-Catholic church, babies that died before baptism did not go to Heaven (limbo) and many others. All that was learnt were rules, ceremonies, what not to do, but nothing about God's love and mercy. Going to church was a chore.
As soon as I reached the age of 17/18 I rebelled and fell in line with the materialistic, rationalistic world of change in the era where boundaries on every level were pushed and challenged (today's legacies of the baby boomers). So I studied, worked, travelled, married, had 2 children and all the while my life was in constant turmoil. By the way, I did not marry in the church even though my husband was also a baptised Catholic. For 40 years or so I had very little regard for the Church; thought that the Mass, all the rituals were a total nonsense and couldn't understand how any rational being could believe in all that "hocus pocus".
As St. Paul was converted on the way to Damascus, so on my road to nowhere I experienced my own conversion. A lady at work gave me a TLiG book and said that the messages were from Jesus. I immediately thought that she was some kind of religious fanatic; however I took the book out of politeness. It was only curiosity that led me to read it. I found it compelling yet "sick" at the same time. Christ's mystical language of love was totally foreign to me and even though I read it to the end I returned the book to the lady and said it was not for me.
The lady did not give up, she invited me to the prayer meeting on numerous occasions adding that there are weeping statues. Curiosity again got the better of me, so I went to see for myself. I felt like a fish out of water and to top it off I had an overwhelming urge to cry. I did not go back for a long time.
In the meantime I was experiencing a lot of trauma in my life. Something prompted me to go to the prayer meeting again, again I had this overwhelming urge to cry. Whatever was happening, was giving me a feeling of peace, however this was still not enough to change my mind.
It was at this point that my Heavenly Mother interceded. One of my sons had not spoken to me for 1.5 yrs; the situation became unbearably painful with a specific event. In desperation I turned to a photo of the weeping statue of the Blessed Mother given to me at the prayer meeting and shouted with tears in my eyes saying: "For God's sake you're a mother, You know what it's like, do something!" Within a few days my prayers were answered: my son and I reconciled. Our relationship has totally changed. This incident was so powerful and moving that I had tears flowing & goose bumps on my arms. I could not deny this miracle. Of course my friends say that this was a coincidence, yet they still ask: "how did you do it?" My attention was drawn to the TLIG messages.
The first book I bought was vol. 2. I was about a quarter of the way through the book when I felt this emotional explosion inside me. It was as if the words on the page were burning into my heart and soul, a realization that it was God; Jesus was speaking to me and calling me to Him. He was so loving and full of mercy. I followed His instructions and repented. This was a massive emotional experience. It was painful, evaluating my life and seeing my sins before me.
So after 40 yrs or so I went to confession and gradually returned to the Church. I could not get enough of the messages, I was devouring them. It was as if it was my lifeline. I had started anew and God was teaching me, leading me to the Scriptures, to the Sacraments, helping me to understand the things that were previously incomprehensible and drawing me into His Sacred Heart which is so full of love. I fell in love with the Holy Spirit. I had never known Him. I fell into a journey that I never thought was possible.
The Holy Trinity became the God that I could communicate with and share all my troubles. I realised that I had to place Christ first in my life and everything else is secondary. Without His closeness and His love I cannot experience Peace within me and I cannot progress. I now go to Mass because I want to be close to Jesus.
So here I am with all this joy in my heart but shy and very awkward in "coming out of the closet". How do I tell my mother! How can I speak of this to my sons, my friends.
This was not an easy transition.
One thing I knew, is that everything had a different meaning to me. I finally knew why I am here on earth and where I am going to. Amongst all this I had this overwhelming desire to help everyone. Every sad story on TV, in the newspaper affected me profoundly and I was forever weeping. I decided that I had to do some charitable work, so I signed on with Rosies for the prison mission for 1 year, as well as visiting the local hospice.
Over time I realized that I could not spread my self in different directions and that the spreading of the TLiG messages is charity as well. Christ raised me from the dead through these messages for a reason, so that I may witness to others that the messages are truly from Him.
At present my sons think I'm a crazy born again Christian and my friends think I'm loosing my grip on reality. However my mother who saw the profound changes evolving, has realised that these messages are from God. She reads the messages in Polish and I can see the peace it has given her. It has strengthened our relationship which in the past has been troubled.
My feelings are best expressed from the TLIG messages:
... "I have sought my Redeemer and I have found Him",
He was near me all the time
but in my darkness I failed to see Him ...
I offer this testimony for the Glory of God.